April 26, 2011 By The Breakthrough Coach
What I Need To Survive – How About You?
A Healthy Self-Esteem, and how to get it.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but what I need to keep myself functioning at a high level so that I am able to give the best of myself to my children, grandchildren, family and friends, is a good dose of acceptance, accountability, affection, affirmation, appreciation, approval and attention, which I call the 7 ‘A’s’. When I am full of these 7 ‘A’s’ I am then also, able to give to all my clients, what they need, so that they can then make the changes or better yet, ‘transform’ themselves into who they were meant to be.
4 ‘A’s’ of Love
Can you imagine going through life feeling that you are not accepted just as you are, and not getting that unconditional love we all deserve, for just being who we are. Imagine trying hard in all areas of your life, doing the best you possibly can, yet still not getting that acceptance that you should feel and have just for being you. I want that unconditional Love, just for being me, without bending over backwards to do for and please others, knowing that in the end, it won’t make a difference – WHY? – because I need to be the one who first accepts myself unconditionally, and so do you. When we accept ourselves, truly accept ourselves just as we are, so will everyone else, as it all starts with accepting the one you see in the mirror. You
Responsibility for our actions. A feeling that we are trusted and that people around us are trustworthy and that we can count on them and they can count on us. We all feel good when we are trusted, and it makes it much easier to trust in return. When we hold ourselves accountable we develop a sense of responsibility to ourselves and each other.
Did we get it as a child, and do we get it now? Does it impact on our lives now, and what can we do about it now, if we were starved of that affection during the imprint period, between 0 – 7. It is during this time when we are like sponges, we absorb and accept everything around us as the truth, and if our caregivers were not around or too busy with their own agenda, we may have been starved of that affection – that critical key to our survival, that may have impinged emotionally and physically, because without affection we do not thrive the way we should. Between 7 – 14 is the modeling period, where we copy people around us, and depending on how affectionate the people around us were during those years, will also determine how affectionate we become to others and also to ourselves.
Imagine going through life with a strong yearning to help ones less fortunate than yourself. Imagine this as a gift from childhood, something that you didn’t need to learn, as it was a part of you, and all you wanted to do was help people who were less fortunate than you. There will come a point in your life where you will question your motives and your purpose if there hasn’t been that expression of acceptance in the form of an affirmation. Someone telling you that you did good and that you were on the right track.
Relates to your self-worth, your values, to who you are, not just what you contribute or achieve. Between 14 – 21 is the socialization period where we are largely influenced by our peers, sometimes feeling that we may not measure up and therefore need to contribute and achieve to be appreciated, rather than, be appreciated for who we are, so that we can then go on to contribute and achieve. By being appreciated for who we are first, our value would resonate within and our self-worth skyrocket.
Is it I who needs to approve of myself first – whereby approval from those around me will not be necessary, yet highly cherished when received.
Do you know that it’s not only children who act up because of lack of attention? Without that important attention in childhood, we grow up to become adults who are desperately deprived of attention, sometimes not even being aware of it on a conscious level. Adults may act up differently to children, but they still act up in one way or another due to a lack of attention, either now or in their past. Find a way to give this attention to yourself and from others to be a more balanced human being. You are important, we are all important, and our feelings and needs are important also. A healthy amount of attention is what makes the world go around.
These are the ‘Seven Motivator’s to our Inner Child which express themselves through our Inner Parent, and our External Selves.